CODE RED! Words that men fear!

January 12, 2009

 

There are some phrases, very short phrases that all men dread, a few little words that  if said by a woman will drive them into a state of calamity and panic; unable to eat, sleep or even fap! Phrases such as “We have to talk”, “I’m pregnant”, “I used to be a man” and the one that recently activated my good friend’s CODE RED: “Have I gained weight?” OH NO, SHE DIDN’T! HOSHIT!

Here’s how I usually handle it: I tell the truth. Yes, kiddies, I am a stupid brave man. My ROTC Corps Commander once quoted: “A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.” 

If she didn’t gain, just tell them! She’d think that you’re just pulling her legs or being boleros, but you’re just being honest. If she did gain weight and it’s noticable, then just tell the truth! THEN RUN FOR COVER! But srsly, this might even motivate ’em to lose weight and you can help! Gym buddies! If you really can’t tell, just tell her that she sorta did, but she looks great anyway! This way, you’re still kinda being honest and they’d still be concious about it; they might be encouraged to become sexier. YUS!

 

 rjmovewait, wat? 

 

What I’d like to know is how YOU guys would handle this situation. SO! Here’s something for ya! A girl you really like(this applies to lesbians and bi-sexuals too. Yes, I’m looking at you, Joanne) suddenly asks you(yes, you!) this question: “tumaba ba ako?/have I gained weight?”. What would your answer be? I want your exact words! A scenario, even! I’m sure a lot of you have encountered similar situations, TELL YOUR STORY! I want to know!

For my female readers, I want to know how would you react to their answer/s. Would you doubt them? Think that their answer is based on how fast they can get you to take off your pants? Would you accept their poorly concieved lies as a form of self assurance? TELL YOUR STORY! I want to know as well!

 

 

On a completely unrelated note: I’m torn between the Nokia 5800 Xpress Music and the Sony Ericsson W980i. Halp me choose pl0x!


Bad Touch! Sexual Harassment!

November 27, 2008

 

I’ve learned a lot of things during my 20-something years here on this realm; how to eat ice cream using chopsticks, how to pretend to be a gurl in the interwebs, how to make glue and liquid paper smell like semen(add a curly hair for added effect) etc etc. And then there are things that I’ve learned on one of the finer things in life: Sexual Harassment.

I’m sure you’ve all experienced this before, as both  the harasser and harasee. Your dad’s freaky fratmate that likes to hug you.  That gay guy who somehow knows your phone number and home address. That friend with a rather large set of bewbage, just waiting for your elbow to squish in between them with full force, accidentally of course. Right. We’re all guilty of this, especially us guys. I was recently harassed by a chick and a not-so-chick, I would have returned the favor(to the chick) if we weren’t in the middle of a 7/11 store. This is pretty much why I’m making this post.

 

Read the rest of this entry »


I CAN’T FIND MY GLASSES! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

November 27, 2008

 

 

 

The women are beautiful and the men are women. Varying degrees of want. Lots of pretty colors which happens to be passing cars and jeeps. I’m going to Galle this evening to buy this week’s comics. May the force be with you. And also with you. Amen.


Plurk me up!

November 18, 2008

 

http://www.plurk.com/malabo

Add me, bitches!

 

also,


Badeyes McBlind, The Querido!

November 16, 2008

A very quick post:

Apparently I’m “a side dish, served as the main course” lolwut.

 

 

Also, Statutory Rape. Zomg!


Badeyes McBlind starring in “The Ultimate Test: The CSB Entrance Exam”

November 16, 2008

 

 

I took my CSB entrance exam this afternoon and here’s what I’ve learned:

ಠ_ಠ It’s okay to not bring ballpens – Just borrow from the proctor. CSB understands it’s future students!  I overheard “SHIT! Bolpen!” quite a few times today. I even said it myself, but at least I bought a couple from National Bookstore before entering the campus. 

ಠ_ಠ Arriving very late is fine – CSB cares not for punctuality!

ಠ_ಠ Some people actually took the exam seriously – ’nuff said

ಠ_ಠ Stay away from foreign chicks – They will fuck you up! “This is a very impohtant test, yoh leg is very distracting” said the Taiwanese chick beside me. Stop looking at my leg then! She even asked the proctor to stop us from ‘disctracting’ her. Welcome to the Phailippines. Man, she needs to get rid of the sand in her vagoo. She apologized and smiled afterwards, but I really didn’t care. IF ONLY SHE WAS HOT.

ಠ_ಠ MDAS questions in a college entrance exam – This is just awesome. I overheard some guy complaining to his friend on how the math part was hard coz he forgot how to convert fractions to decimals. Damn, just damn. In a related note, I don’t know whether to laugh or facepalm so I did both at the same time: I FORGOT HOW TO COMPUTE FOR GCF FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-

ಠ_ಠ 3D pictures suck – Questions involving Mass and Volume were made just to mess with you. Their only purpose is to consume your time. When you see a 3D-shaped drawing, just shade a random letter and move on to the next question.

ಠ_ಠ Science is for dweebs – Yes folks, there were no Science questions.  Somebody report this to the Science Police or Bill Nye!

ಠ_ಠ CSB-McDonalds Conspiracy – They purposely set exams on sundays, giving us no choice but to somehow manage to fit all the students and guardians(lol, a lot of people actually brought their parents along, making them wait for 4hrs) at the McDonalds branch across the street. ’tis a conspiracy!


There you have it, folks! Use this vital information if you suddenly find yourself booted out from your University only to enroll at the one across the street!
 
 
 

 

 

 


*falls*

November 16, 2008

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*thud*