I’ve learned a lot of things during my 20-something years here on this realm; how to eat ice cream using chopsticks, how to pretend to be a gurl in the interwebs, how to make glue and liquid paper smell like semen(add a curly hair for added effect) etc etc. And then there are things that I’ve learned on one of the finer things in life: Sexual Harassment.
I’m sure you’ve all experienced this before, as both the harasser and harasee. Your dad’s freaky fratmate that likes to hug you. That gay guy who somehow knows your phone number and home address. That friend with a rather large set of bewbage, just waiting for your elbow to squish in between them with full force, accidentally of course. Right. We’re all guilty of this, especially us guys. I was recently harassed by a chick and a not-so-chick, I would have returned the favor(to the chick) if we weren’t in the middle of a 7/11 store. This is pretty much why I’m making this post.
If you observe your surroundings, you’ll notice these things happen all the time! I see these happen almost daily; one in every five jeep rides, one in every three bus rides, and one in every four MRT/LRT rides and that’s just from my experience. The weird thing is that nobody usually does anything about it, including the harasee. Which is weird coz all the victim needs to do is to create a commotion and the harasser is dead meat. Of course, the harasser can always deny the allegations. I remember saying “How daaare you accuse me of touching that flabby tush?” when I was reprimanded once. Of course, I got slapped; the end result was not expected at all, but that’s for another blog post.
You need to be aware for they can be skilled ninjas. I remember a time when I was lazily walking inside the Gokongwei bldg of DLSU-M when suddenly, someone who we will hide under the name Jess Malvin Chin, suddenly lept in and grabbed my entire crotch area while shouting “HELLO, RJ! I MISSED YOU!” Aaaaugh. The cruel sensation it gave me can only be described with this one word: Kryptonite. And in front of a group freshemen girls too. Damn, just damn. I still love you though, Jess. <3
I now regret buying that “Libre Hipo”(with an image of a hippo) shirt last month. I swear I’ll make that work on attractive women someday.
Here’s something most guys don’t know: Wimminz know that we do it on purpose. Shock and horror! Accident my big fat arse! Guys WILL go out of their way to even slightly touch the popular parts of a woman’s body if given an opportunity. And they will always make it look like it’s an accident. Guess what guise, they know. They just give us the benefit of the doubt that it really was accidental, most of the time. There’s also the lol drunk excuse, FYI: that doesn’t work either. So stop it. Here’s another thing most guys don’t know: Women do it too. Shocking? Not really. They can get away with it anyway, most of the time. And most guys won’t mind anyway. So it’s cool. Proceed ladies, proceed.
On the brighter side of things, this is actually a form of flirting. Someone from the opposite gender slapped your ass? Instead of being flabbergasted and being lolwut about it, slap them back! Eye for an eye, cheek for a cheek. Sometimes you just have to man up and slap that tush. Big risks can bring bigger trouble, but they sometimes end with sexy results. Ohoho! I know someone who attacks women (“mO_Om” as he likes to call it) inside BBL buses when he goes home to Laguna. Lucky bastard always gets results. Wait, did I just encourage you guys and gals to start slapping random butts? I think I just did. Awesome. This blog is bad and I should feel bad.
I end this post with a quote from my old blog waaay back on ’06:
“My HARBL barely escaped being groped by a TRAP. Good thing I have a habit of slapping any hand that approaches me. I have to thank Kebs for that. That wasn’t the case for the guy next to me though. Being the perverted bastard that he is, he welcomed the trap’s hands and they proceeded to ignite friction in the crowded train. I will never forget the look on his face when he tried to grasp the trap’s mamary glands and FOUND NOTHING.
Enjoy your aids, bitches.”
PS. If you see someone getting harassed, don’t be a jerk by looking the other way. Do something about it. You might end up getting a new friend.
PSPS. I still can’t find my glasses FFFFFFFFFFF